Game Review: Borderlands (PC)

 

  Holy shit.

That would be the first comment I'd make about Borderlands if you asked me what I thought about it, along with my smiling at you as if I were going to hump you just for mentioning Borderlands - just to express my love.

Borderlands is a game I had been waiting for someone, someday to make for me to play. Where they forced two of my favourite genres to make a baby - First-person Shooter and Role-play. It also has a slight MMO feel to it, too!

It starts off on a planet called Pandora, a barren and desolate World where people whisper of rich rumours, legends, and myths of a mysterious place called 'The Vault.' The Vault opens once every 200 years, and the time of the next opening is approaching.Those who still believe in The Vault, claim that supposdly if you were to find it, you would be blessed with wealth, power, fame, Alien technology, and hot women.

There are four fun gun-tootin' characters to play with: The hunter who relies on his quick boomheadshotting critical hits with sniper rifles, and his pet bat-vulcan thing who likes to claw an enemy's face off; the Siren whose Phasewalking skill allows her to temporarilly shift between dimensions to become 'invisible' and avoid damage, and upon exiting she can hurt her enemies (much like Frodo when he puts the ring on, except when the Siren takes it off she kills everyone around her); the support-happy Soldier class who can upgrade his Scorpio Sentry gun to regenerate and replenish health and ammo.

Loves

Cooperative Lovers Unite!: OK, well of course this would be one of the first features about this game that I love! I've always loved playing co-op games - I just like the company, plus it's always hilarious. You can play with three other people! Whether it be your brother, your sister, your dad, or your mail man!

Every player that joins your game will be greeted by a message saying 'The creatures of Pandora grow stronger!'  It's means, well.. the mobs in the game will kick you and your friend's asses and can now paint their rustbucket town a 'fresher' shade of red and although it's a little more challenging . . that's what makes it funner .

I wish for a bajillion More!: This game has over a bajillion-million different types of guns. Look at what my shotgun can do; 

The Badass Variety: The thing about Borderlands that makes me hefty lol-a-lot is the damned hilarious dialogue and quirks. You know how in most MMO games you can find a much stronger version of a creature, usualled called an 'Ace,' or 'Elite,' or whatever? Borderland's versions of these creatures are called 'Baddasses,' and yes it is awesome and it is spectacular.
In after-game replays they turn into Badmurtha, then Asskicking.

IT'S AFTER ME: What's funnier than a handful of Badass mobs chasing after your team mate only for him to train those mobs upon you after running past you? Also, the games bosses are gi-fucking-normous and will most likely end with you running out of ammo and having to melee the shit out of the last inch of its health.

 

Players fight against the Rakk Hive

 Click here to view a higher and bigger resolution of this picture. And look at the monster's vagina mouth-face. 

Ride on: Yes you may drive a colour-customisable car to roam the World of Pandora. Yes you may choose between the machine gun or rocket launcher to shoot things with. Yes, you may run-over the shit out of things, especially if they're 10 levels higher than you. And yes, your car can blow-up.

It's a World out there: The MMO feel is back - Pandora is massive and huge, with hundreds of critters hiding under rocks. Let the explorer and advernturer within you be free...

Hates

Ain't no love for the Selfish: Dude, if whoever you're playing with does NOT know the meaning of 'share,' I beg of you not to play with them, this has stressed me over so many times...
Borderlands has no loot-share option or any way to sort out how to distribute the rares between you all, so unless you're playing with three close friends (and by close I mean ass-kicking distance if they decide to be selfish dicks) then it's most likely other players who join your battle will steal all the loot. 


I'm bored can I go home yet?: Unfortunately the MMO elements of this game stick out when having to complete meager tasks and missions that have nothing to do with the main storyline can be a pain-in-the-ass. You know, like collecting 5 bottles of rum and searching through trashcans, and trekking to one place to complete a mission only to trek all the way back just to hand the damned thing in to get 500 bucks as your reward. (That's not a lot.)


Stop and ask for directions: The in-game straight-line compass is kinda useless.. so you'll be bringing-up your map probably a dozen times to make sure you're driving the right way to your destination. Or have the second player bring the map-up while you're driving, and will tell you where to go via shooting rockets left or right.
 

I admit; I bought Borderlands on an impulse (OK, my boyfriend bought it for me, but he also bought it on an impulse, don't judge us.) 

But I'm so fucking glad and happy that I have. Borderlands is in-general, a really great game to play with by yourself or with friends.

Zavvi is still alive and kicking about on thier online website, and it is currently the place to find the cheapest copy of Borderlands for the PC: £12.99. Steam Retail price £29.99, £89.99 for 4-pack - that's £22.50 each.

A few notes:: No you do not need Steam to play Borderlands. Of course, if you bought it through Steam then you would.
When you start playing online, you will be prompted to make a Gamespy account. This is a very quick and easy process and you will not be required to alt-tab.

There is no online fee to play. The only thing you pay for is the game itself, and the DLC's.

By the way, here's an awesome trailer for Borderlands;

I'M SO BORED

And so very disappointed!

I still have not recieved my delivery from Amazon - Ecotools Retractable Kabuki brush - £10 (mistake.. I could have gotten it elsewhere cheaper)
Bought it on the 20th, estimated time was 24th-29th December... where is my package?! :(

On eBay I bought Ecotools Mineral Brush set for like.. I don't know, £5 I think, but the seller was removed I assume for selling fake products but come on, who would sell fakes of Ecotools?! There'd be no profit in that whatsoever... 

Also, I have no video games to play with! We recently got Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles but I'd prefer playing that game with my brother who - surprise, surprise - is not home!
I only like games like Call of Duty for the storyline (proper in-depth, crazy, pyscho review on that later - well for Mordern Warfare 2 at least), can't be arsed playing online against other folk, and I'm still waiting for Zavvi to deliver my Borderlands copy because they're completely out of stock. (£12.99, Borderlands, and Zavvi, go get that awesome bargain)

Actually, I'm pretty excited for Borderlands, looks like a pretty fun game and I have the in-game trailers to pysch me-up for it!

If you have Borderlands for Steam hook me up, yo! Hopefully playing with a few people, Gordon's getting it, my brother, my cousins already have it, and Dave/Eci and Greg promised to play it with me when I have the game and we have time.. you guys keep promises - RIGHT?
Steam username: nirosaki (go figure)

Oh, and I really want a fun fuschia lipstick with proper darker/purple undertones.
That's my biggest lemming.

..That, and a baby pink eyeshadow with lavender undertones.