I think Makeup is Depressing me

Fo realz.

I have two tabs opened right now with MAC's limited Edition Hello Kitty lipstick in 'Strayin;'

And MAC's lipstick 'Girl About Town;'

Both of these are colours I cannot and never will find at the normal MAC store found in Frasiers, Glasgow because Hello Kitty was a limited edition collection sold around I think 2009? So right now they're very hard-to-get and pricey (It's £14.99...) and my MAC store is TEENY so it won't be in that store.. oh, and not to mention this lipstick is £9.99 compared to RRP or £12.

So now here's the dilemma; do I buy them now or wait next month?

You may say 'they'll still be there, don't worry. Save-up and just wait,' but that's the problem! Remember, these are limited edition and could be 'while stocks last' so this may be the only time and/or last time I'll be able to purchase these! Please don't tell me about eBay - that place is riddled with fakes.

I feel so damn guilty.. I already bought £20 worth of brushes last night.. they were Sonia Kashuk brushes, £20 reduced to £5 anybody could tell that it was a bargain and if I don't like them I suppose I could always swap them? (SpaceNK Winter Sale. Up to 50% off)



But it's totally besides the point.. I feel ashamed of myself, but my heart wants these things so bad and I don't know why. Why do I like makeup so much when I used to not care in wasting my times with these girly lavishness for the majority of my life?
I guess it's because it's finally gotten to me - for the past 18 years of my life going bare-faced, un-caring whether or not I look healthy or sickly and actually many people ask why I look so pale and ask if I'm OK..

Yes, I am not a pretty sight. Pretty much your average, typical gamer with no fashion sense whatsoever, and maybe that's it! Maybe that's the reason! I've not been feeling exactly feminine you know, with my manlyishness whilst gaming (I yell at the screen, I shout, I roar, I swear.. I'll give you more details about that in other entries) and the fact that I usually wear t-shirts and jeans when I'm out.. not you know.. pretty clothes and accessories with uber done-up hair that other girls have. They obviously make an effort.

I don't. I'm lazy. I don't know what to do with my long hair other than tie it-up in a ponytail.

Makeup for the time makes me happy, satisfies me... I admire it, I love observing the colours, the undertones.. it makes me feel feminine - something about myself I've been missing in my life.
And there's nothing more a girl wants than to look physically appealing. Or pretty - I like looking pretty.

....And I still don't know whether or not I should buy those lipsticks.

[EDIT] The boyfriend spoke; I am not allowed to buy them. Oh.. at least they're pretty to look at..